So, since I've last posted here, a LOT has happened but in escence, my social life has turned to shit, but you probably know all of that by now. I just need to vent. I've made some mistakes, though I wouldn't hardly call the last occurance to be a mistake, at least not on MY part, unlike everyone else. I'm thinking of keeping this nameless for the moment, even though you all know what happened. This is my side of the story, from my perspective, and I wish you guys were half-decent enough to at least hear my part before tearing me a new asshole every fucking time I turn around. So let's begin, shall we? She says "I like you."
I say "I like you, too."
Nothing happens. She then acts like she doesn't like me, but does? Hard to explain. It was on and off.
What drove me away? Good question.
Anyway, she is, or perhaps, was, my best friend. Considering how much that meant to me, and it meant a lot, let me tell you, I didn't want to screw things up. God forbid anything happens, everything turns to shit. There's nothing like a shitty relationship to ruin a perfectly good friendship. Been there, done that, was afraid to let it happen again.
THAT was my first thought, and I want you to know that as I made my decision, I thought about her the entire time and how I would try to not lose this one. Yeah, no, that didn't turn out like I planned. Then you guys, you assholes, tore me apart before even listening to me; story of my life.
"You are a scumbag," they said.
"You lied to us," they said.
"What the hell were you thinking?" one said. It was the third one that broke me, but that didn't come until later when I took my second step off of the cliff. As you can see, my decision wasn't to take my best friend to Snowball, but another girl. And at first I thought, "I hope this can protect my friendship with my best friend." No, obviously I'm a fucking retard. I willingly pointed that out to myself, but honestly, I thank the rest of you for rubbing that in my face over and fucking over again. Truth is, I like the girl I'm taking to Snowball, so when I took step number two, which was asking her out, a specific somone said to me, "What the hell were you thinking?" What was I thinking?
What was I thinking? I'll fucking TELL you what I was thinking. "I like this girl, I think I'll ask her out." Are you fucking happy now?
No?
Let me continue. I did like my best friend, and that is no lie, so I fail to see how I was lying to you.
Somewhere down the road, however, I lost it. I don't know when or why, but I did, and leading her on from that point was not done on purpose. Perhaps it was that eventhough she said she liked me, she acted as though she didn't. Perhaps it was something subconscious. I have no fucking idea, and to tell you the truth, I'm scared that I don't understand it. I'm not the scumbag you guys would love to think I am. At least not in the way that I would purposely go ahead and decide that it was ok to purposely hurt my friend. No. I would NEVER do that. Yes, I did admit to my faults, unlike most others. I said that I would try to fix things. Apparently, though, "fixing things" to you guys means that I'm gonna break up with her and date my best friend, now. Uh, no. That's definitely not what "fixing things" means. "Fixing things" means trying to talk things over with the one that I hurt in an attempt to bring things back as close as I can to the way things were before. I admitted I was wrong in some areas. I talked to my best friend. I know you're reading this, by the way, best friend. All I want to say to you is that it's up to you to not forgive me and decide whether or not there is a chance that we ever will be friends again. You hate me, and I understand why. Honestly, though, the person whom i thought would give me the most heat... ...Actually agreed with me. They would have done the same thing and know exactly how I feel. I honestly feel shitty about this. And that's all I want to say. All I can hope for now is that YOU guys also learned a lesson. "Don't cut someone down until you know their half of the story." Also, I'm pretty sure I know who will and who won't read this. As a forewarning, don't expect me to talk to you guys about this subject again until you prove to me that you've read this. | 
